but men have often misunderstood my friendly curiosity as flirting. or a sexual or relational interest in them. and when I was single that was 99% of the time wrong. Now that I'm married it's wrong 100% of the time. But how is anyone supposed to know that in a world that accepts physical and emotional affairs all the time?
When I was single, it really didn't matter. If some random Joe-Schmoe thought I was attracted to him I really didn't care. I would be caught off guard by some random date proposals by "Friends" of mine (naive? yep) but it really didn't bother me.
Now that I'm married, however, I am overly paranoid about it. I don't want anyone to think I'm flirting with them. and I don't want onlookers to think I'm flirting with someone else. and I really don't like it. I feel like I can't be friendly to men. Or I don't know how to be. I hardly know how to have unmarried male friends anymore and I'm ok not having a plethora of single male friends it's just the fact that if I wanted to... I really don't know how.
and I think that it's healthy to be aware of it. but I don't think it's healthy to be afraid of it. and I'm pretty young by society's measures to be married. and I think what really brings this to the surface is my job at Voyages. I am constantly interacting with men who are here on business or without their wives. How do I make them feel warm and welcome here in a safe, I'm-not-attracted-or-interested-in-you-in-any-other-way... way?
and I love my husband so much and he loves me so well that I don't want anyone ever, man or woman, to think that I need to go looking for it anywhere else.
and I don't know how to find a friendly balance.
Can anyone offer me insight into that?