Monday, January 26, 2009

The best defense is a good offense

It's no secret that in today's culture, the temptation to sin sexually is everywhere.  and I have a husband who has fought that temptation on his own for years.

But on October 10, 2008 that all changed.  He found himself on the battlefield with someone else.  Someone who cares about his purity and his heart as much as he does.  Someone who can not only encourage and pray, but can attack the very issue that is constantly barraging him.  

Some say that the best defense is a good offense,  and until we got married Josh was only able to defend himself.  and he still does.  and for that I'm so proud to be his wife.  But as his wife, I have the opportunity to not only help defend him, but I can go on the offensive.  Because one thing I have learned since we've gotten married is that his battle for purity is no longer his.  It is ours.  It is my battle too.  It's my fight.  and I have to go on the offensive.  I have to pursue him.  I have to be the object of his desire.  I seduce him.  I make sure he's satisfied.  I make sure that he is so stinkin' happy sexually that he would have little reason to look anywhere else.  and I absolutely love it!

and yes, there are occasional setbacks.  and sneak attacks (no one told me playboy would send postcards to our house?)  but more than anything it's awesome to stand arm in arm with my husband.  To fight this fight with him.  To take it upon myself to "help" as much as I can.  To pray for him.  To be his encourager .  To love.  To be his lover.  

To be his wife.  


Thursday, January 15, 2009

?

So... my entire adult life I have been frequently misunderstood by the male population.  I have a naturally friendly demeaner.  I really care about people.  and I like making them feel good about themselves.  and complimenting them.  and finding out their stories.  and I really, really do like that.

but men have often misunderstood my friendly curiosity as flirting.  or a sexual or relational interest in them.  and when I was single that was 99% of the time wrong.  Now that I'm married it's wrong 100% of the time.   But how is anyone supposed to know that in a world that accepts physical and emotional affairs all the time?

When I was single, it really didn't matter.  If some random Joe-Schmoe thought I was attracted to him I really didn't care.  I would be caught off guard by some random date proposals by "Friends" of mine (naive? yep) but it really didn't bother me.

Now that I'm married, however, I am overly paranoid about it.  I don't want anyone to think I'm flirting with them.  and I don't want onlookers to think I'm flirting with someone else.  and I really don't like it.  I feel like I can't be friendly to men.  Or I don't know how to be.  I hardly know how to have unmarried male friends anymore and I'm ok not having a plethora of single male friends it's just the fact that if I wanted to... I really don't know how. 

and I think that it's healthy to be aware of it.  but I don't think it's healthy to be afraid of it.  and I'm pretty young by society's measures to be married.  and I think what really brings this to the surface is my job at Voyages.  I am constantly interacting with men who are here on business or without their wives.  How do I make them feel warm and welcome here in a safe, I'm-not-attracted-or-interested-in-you-in-any-other-way... way?

and I love my husband so much and he loves me so well that I don't want anyone ever, man or woman, to think that I need to go looking for it anywhere else.  

and I don't know how to find a friendly balance.  

Can anyone offer me insight into that?

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Happy Birthday!

Today is my birthday :-)

(It's going to be over in approximately 5 minutes)

and I had a great day.

I worked at Voyages and was visited by my mom, Brian (who is also celebrating his birthday today, haha!) my little sister Katie, Stacy and Braden, and Jenn.

Then I had cake with my lovely family.

Then I went to a bed and breakfast with my incredible husband, best friend, and constant companion.

and this place is sweet!

So now I must go and enjoy him. 

But I wanted to post somethin' real quick-like.


Thursday, January 1, 2009

The Honeymoon Chronicles Part 2: "You 'aight?"

One of the books that has been the most influential to our relationship is called “A Severe Mercy”.  It is a true story of a couple who fell deeply in love, and since they weren’t Christians, didn’t know anything to live for besides their love.   Because their love for one another was the most incredible thing either had ever encountered, they devised plans and executed practices to specifically protect their love for one another.  Later in the story they encounter Christ- with the help of C.S. Lewis, no less- (really it’s a very interesting read).  An untimely death was the only thing that finally “defeated” their love. ((But can love ever really be defeated??))
  There were several practices and nuances that Josh and I adapted into our relationship that were inspired by this couple.  Some of which are private to us so they’ll never get posted on a blog.  But some of them are worth sharing: and I think our “You ‘aight?” Day is one of those things. 
  The couple we read about would take a monthly inventory of their relationship.  A check up, if you will.  So do we.  The first Sunday of every month is called “You ‘aight? Day”  It’s an open opportunity to discuss our relationship, our hearts, how we are really, truly doing.  Are you alright?  It’s a simple but important question.  Anyhow, just recently we decided to take it very, very seriously- so we devised a list of questions… questions that really aren’t that easy to talk about.  Questions that could stir up some mixed emotions and maybe cause hurt feelings.  But we honestly believe that it is better to be proactive about the “little things” then to waste away… not talking about the small, but vastly important longings, desires, dislikes, and likes of our hearts. 
Anyway… here it is :-)

“You Aight? Day” Questions:
  1. Have I been fulfilling your emotional needs?/ Do you feel like I have been? (Give examples)
  1. What have I done in the last month that has made you feel loved?
  1. Is there anything I have done in the last month that made you feel unloved, disrespected, or unappreciated?
  1. Have you noticed and/or have I begun any habits that annoy you?
  1. Have we had enough sex to fulfill each other physically and emotionally?  Are you sexually satisfied?
  1. Is there anything that I don’t do enough of? Or that you would like my help doing?
  1. Have we shared in enough adventures?
  1. Have we shared in enough romantic moments?
  1. Do you feel like I am handling our money well?
  1. Have you noticed any negative changes in me, my personality, or my habits?
  1. Am I giving you enough alone time?
  1. Have you felt a sense of “creeping separateness”?
  1. Is there anything at all that you would like to say to me or discuss- that you just haven’t been able to bring up?
  1. Have you been struggling with any temptations that I’m unaware of?
  1.  Do you felt that we have communicated well?  (Fought fairly, conversed freely and frequently, known each others hearts?)
Affirmation
  1. What do you love about me?
  2. What are good things that you have seen in me lately?
  3. Have you noticed any positive changes in me?
Going through these questions has been easy so far.  We are greatly enjoying each other and being married.  But I know that as life progresses and our circumstances change, these questions may become difficult.  They’ll stir things up.  But I am convinced that communication… and being proactive about the things that destroy love and “in love” feelings… is really going to preserve our “Honeymoon phase”.