Sunday, December 28, 2008

The Honeymoon Chronicles

ohhhh "The Honeymoon phase"

It's beautiful.

It's legendary.

It's bliss.

It's.... temporary?

It's interesting living in newlywed love- and it's even more interesting to me how people dismiss my wedded bliss as a "honeymoon phase".   According to most, my joy is temporary.  Describing being married as "wonderful" will pass.  Soon I will really understand, they say.  Soon I'll realize.  

What?!  (is wrong with you people...)

Ok so maybe I don't have the privilege of perspective on this topic.  But I do have one view that most do not- I am still in it.  and we have plans to stay in it.  So stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

What I really think, is that people should ask newly-weds for marital advice.  Because there are certain things that, apparently, only people who are newly married do to and for each other.  and I see people with crumbling marriages and I wish that they would ask me, "what do you think I should do?"  because I could tell them things like

cherish him
respect him
love him
do little things for him just to make him happy
have sex like it's something new
get him a glass of water.. (even when you're already in bed)
talk, talk, talk
have fun
be silly
put him first... and his needs.
go outside and start the car and brush of the snow 
be patient
give the benefit of the doubt
be honest
appreciate flaws
have grace
save the last french fry for him

and forgive.  (even when you aren't apologized to)

but they won't ask me.  because I'm a newlywed.  and I don't know what I'm talking about.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Lesson in Communication

Communication can be difficult. It's an art, really. and I am continually learning better ways to communicate with other people.

What I have been learning lately about communication is how it relates to anger, hurt feelings, or an overall unhappiness. What I have found is that it is really, really important to take time before a confrontation to really get to the bottom of what the issue is. Usually there can be this huge situation or issue and really, when you get down to the nitty gritty of the situation, it was one, maybe two things that really set the entire thing off.

and what happens is that someone gets upset, doesn't take any time to actually consider "hey, what am I really upset about?" and then they confront the offender. and then it is this huge mess of confusion with the offender not understanding what the heck is going on. I have had to learn (and am still learning) to do this in my relationship with Josh- and he and I have really, really great communication- and I still have to pay attention to it. I've seen it at work. I've seen it with other people. and it takes a lot of self control to not lash out and jump into a confrontation. But it's worth it! Seriously.

So please, take my advice, before you decide to confront someone about an issue I pray that you take time to really get to the bottom of the situation. It will really save you from a lot of misunderstandings and from wasting a lot of time.

and energy.

and words.

and.... you get it.

Monday, December 15, 2008

I feel it in my fingers... I feel it in my toes...

So a few new things have happened as of late.

Anyone who reads this probably already knows this, but for my own sake I will say:  I have another job!  I'm a barista at Voyages coffee shop here in Lowell.  and I love it!  I love meeting new people and connecting with people that I already know and making people feel important and smiling at people.  I really like smiling at people.  Not that waning-crescent-moon shape smile but a toothy smile or a smile from the eyes.  I like that, a lot.  Because I really don't think people in our culture smile enough.

or laugh enough. Come to think of it, I don't think that I laugh enough.  I have kind of a picky sense of humor (I think) and I have recently realized that I say "That's funny" way more than I actually laugh.

((but sometimes I laugh so hard that I throw my head back and it comes deep from the belly and those are my favorite))

Also, Joshua is going to the Dominican Republic for a week on January 17.  and I would love to go with him.  But we're not sure if it's going to be possible or not.  But I think it's important that I'm there with him... unless God shows us otherwise.  So please pray for that, if you could...

and I'm having a really, really difficult time getting into the "Christmas spirit" or whatever it's called.  I don't have an itch to get our Christmas tree (even though we are going to go get one tonight)  I'm not really enjoying Christmas carols, I have no motivation to go buy things for people (because what does it really matter anyway) and what the heck is Christmas even about?  I know it's celebrating Jesus' birth... but what should that really look like?  I feel like it's more about not having to work and actually seeing my extended family one out of the two times I normally see them per year.  and I don't feel excited about Christmas.  I just don't see the point.  Isn't that Scrooge-like?  I don't know.  


I just want to get to the real meaning of it all.  I want to live everything out the way it is supposed to be lived but I feel like that's way different than anyone else (but maybe it isn't) but it must be because... well I don't know why.  This just can't be it when it comes to Christmas.

and I want to live out friendship the way it's supposed to be lived.  and love. ((especially love)) and God ((ESPECIALLY God)).  I want to experience God the way he is supposed to be experienced.  and... I'm... just... 

thinking about it all.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Lookin' at you... lookin' at me...

So the other day Josh and I went to dinner at a family's house that we have come to grow very fond of.  The mom and dad are an awesome couple and they have three children, three good young men.  I'm intrigued by their family because it is so healthy... and I'm sure they have their issues but I am so interested in families that love the Lord and are, on the whole... whole.

Anyway, I love asking couples how they met, how they started dating, when they fell in love, and how he proposed.  I didn't realize how much and why I love it until Thursday night though.  I asked our friends who have been married for 25 years those questions and I got exactly what I was looking for.  I'm interested in the answer, of course, but I think what I'm more interested in is the way they look at each other while they are answer.   

Suddenly, they were looking at each other- I mean really looking at each other.  They were reading their story in each others eyes and on each others faces.  They told their story and laughed and remembered things... and for a moment I saw the fire of their romance and the passion of their first days together.   and the way they looked at each other... it was so beautiful.  Their love was so visible.  and their kids... their kids LOVED it.  They laughed, they knew some of the parts of the story and they didn't know others.  and it was so beautiful, it was so beautiful and such a privilege to stir that up... just by asking a few questions.

and I do that a lot, I think.  I love asking couples questions that help them remember what it was like in the beginning.  Because I think that most of the time we all forget. 

and I'm in the beginning of my love story right now... and I refuse to forget what this is like.  What every day is like.  What our romance and passion for each other feels like.  and I think by stirring it up in other people it will constantly stir it up in me.